The Donald and Rosie O'Donnell

Let's just put these two in a steel cage, like they do on WWF or WWE or whatever letters they're using on TV "rasslin'" these days, and let 'em slug it out. My money's on Rosie, by the way. Chair throwin', eye gougin', hair pullin', nothing is out of bounds. That's right Rosie, grab that beaver pelt on The Donald's head and pretend you're in a tug of war over Britney Spears. And Donald, give that fur trader a Texas titty-twister, you're almost as masculine as she is. I can hear Rosie now: "Fire this ya' mook!

Miss USA Tara Conner and The Donald

Did you get all weepy over the press conference last night featuring this pair of boobs? Conner and Trump, I mean, although she is rather well endowed in that department, as you might expect. Conner tearily praised Trump for giving her a second chance after her alleged underage drinking before she turned 21 Monday. Heavy drinking. Reported cocaine use. Making out with Miss Teen USA, which Trump probably only frowns upon because he didn't get to see the video. Besides, he can afford to be forgiving, Tara Conner might be his next wife. Like the Bruno Kirby role in City Slickers was told by Mitch, played by Billy Crystal, about his girlfriends getting younger and younger : "before long you'll be dating sperm". Maybe by then The Donald will have taken that dead animal off of his head.