Time to Get back to normal, whatever that is

Christmas may be "the most wonderful time of the year", it definitely is one of the most stressful with all the traffic, people scurrying to get all their shopping done, sometimes fighting for the last Tickle me Elmo or PS3 or whatever the rage is this year. Now is the time to return any gifts that don't work, don't fit or are duplicates, or regift them at a later date. And move on. 2006 is almost gone, time to make New Year's resolutions, no need to wait until Jan. 1, put the so-called "War on Christmas" or PC greetings behind.

Christmas Songs

On a road trip this weekend we couldn't help but notice that most stations play the same Christmas songs over and over. I can handle Burl Ives' Holly Jolly Christmas and different versions of Silver Bells, but White Christmas YUCK! regardless of who sings it. The one about "chestnuts roasting on amn open fire" got old decades ago. Enough already! How about a few different ones. There was a duet with Eddie Money and Ronee Spector and a Stevie Wonder song I had never heard before. Radio Stations, how about a little variety!!!

The Donald and Rosie O'Donnell

Let's just put these two in a steel cage, like they do on WWF or WWE or whatever letters they're using on TV "rasslin'" these days, and let 'em slug it out. My money's on Rosie, by the way. Chair throwin', eye gougin', hair pullin', nothing is out of bounds. That's right Rosie, grab that beaver pelt on The Donald's head and pretend you're in a tug of war over Britney Spears. And Donald, give that fur trader a Texas titty-twister, you're almost as masculine as she is. I can hear Rosie now: "Fire this ya' mook!

Spit Happens: TO and DeAngelo Hall Make Nice

With former NFL star and current NFL Channel commentator Deion Sanders acting as a peace broker, Terrell Owens and DeAngelo Hall shared a conference call with Sanders complete with apologies, contrition, and promises of better behavior in the future. With Owens having 35,000 reasons to be contrite, the dollar amount of his fine imposed by the NFL, all is well according to all parties. In case you hadn't heard, Owens was accused by Hall of spitting in his face in a game last week. "He was aggravating me" Owens said in a postgame interview with NFL Network. Now, according to press releases, the air is clear, things are fine between them and all is forgiven. Wipe away your tears, please. These two bring new meaning to the term "swapping spit". Example: in the movie Heartbreak Ridge, starring Clint Eastwood as a Marine Gunnery Sergeant, Eastwood' character repeatedly said to his charges "Don't go swappin' spit in the shower, boys"!

Miss USA Tara Conner and The Donald

Did you get all weepy over the press conference last night featuring this pair of boobs? Conner and Trump, I mean, although she is rather well endowed in that department, as you might expect. Conner tearily praised Trump for giving her a second chance after her alleged underage drinking before she turned 21 Monday. Heavy drinking. Reported cocaine use. Making out with Miss Teen USA, which Trump probably only frowns upon because he didn't get to see the video. Besides, he can afford to be forgiving, Tara Conner might be his next wife. Like the Bruno Kirby role in City Slickers was told by Mitch, played by Billy Crystal, about his girlfriends getting younger and younger : "before long you'll be dating sperm". Maybe by then The Donald will have taken that dead animal off of his head.

Christmas Rush

I went with the fam to Wal-Mart today and we were overwhelmed by the traffic, both in and out of the store. Crowded aisles, people scurrying every which way, most with that glazed deer-in-the-headlights look like "I can't wait for this to be OVER". People with too much aftershave, perfume or cologne are as bad as those with gas in some cases. We've ventured so far from the real meaning of Christmas.

Least Favorite Christmas Songs

The other day I heard Whitney Houston's version of the Christmas song, "Do you Hear what I hear". Yuck! The first thing I thought was "What, Bobby Brown came in from a strip club drunk in the middle of the night, AGAIN?

The Christmas Police Are Coming: RU Ready?

Led by the likes of Bill O'Reilly, sexual harrasser and self-appointed "Culture Warrior", The Greetings Police are out in full force, ready to pounce on anyone who dares to wish anyone "Happy Holidays" or "Seasons' Greetings". They act as though Jesus himself uttered those very words on the Sermon on the Mount. Of course, Jesus didn't say those words, nor are they found anywhere in the Bible, but that doesn't stop The "War on Christmas " crowd from browbeating anyone who doesn't use their chosen greeting. I guess in some places the other side is just as bad, but I find it hard to believe that as many people are ostrasized for saying Merry Christmas as O'Reilly and others would have us believe. It seems to me that there are much more important things we could be doing with our time and energy with AIDS, famine, Wars, child abuse, and Mark Foley on the loose.